How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[Rviator]

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[P. A. Schilke]

When Grandma goes to Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

 

[Trigganometry]

Call with wife
Me:“Babe I’m at Lowe’s what type of ceiling fan did you want for living room ?”
Wife: “ I don’t care pick what you think looks good”
Me: “ok you sure?”
Wife: “ it’s a fan you can’t screw that up”

The new fan:

 

[outdoorphotog]

 

[AzScorpion]

 

[Trigganometry]

I’m gonna pass on this one…

 

[Dr. Zaius]

Maybe NSFW?

Nothing bad but some are easily triggered nowadays.

Spoiler

 

[Sharky]

Dirty magazines......

Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late – again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad.

I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial.

My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, “Honey, dirty magazines: the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned.”

 

[FunInTheSun]

No more loose lug nuts. We don't need no Ugga Dugga!!

I think it's likely a reversed image and they're trying to remove the lug nut.

Impressive either way

Or it's a damn Mopar...

 

[AzScorpion]

 

[Tracy Bowman]

Well... I don’t know what the heck....?

 

[Trigganometry]

?

 

[Colo_Ranger]

I'm 'A'. I don't go below 1/4 tank when I can avoid it.

 

[AzScorpion]

 

[bearrug]

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