How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[Trigganometry]

So our President said if we’re thinking of taking on the US government we better have F-15’s and nukes.

You’re on

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[Sharky]

A man looking for love sent his picture to the Lonely Hearts Club.

A reply came back,..... “We are not that lonely.”

 

[Sharky]

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?''

Of course, child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?

''I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father....... Next!'

 

[Doc]

Er…

 

[AzScorpion]

Er…

Gender neutral I see.

 

[Trigganometry]

Looking for new members

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[AzScorpion]

?

 

[AzScorpion]

Rick @Trigganometry this ones for you. ?

Kah...Keys

 

[aeroshots]

Identical twin calls her twin sister. Says she's so depressed. "Why" she asked. "I hate the way I look". ?

 

[Sharky]

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.



Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.


“I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon.


“The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”


“Oh God no!” cries the man “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?”


“The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm. I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant.”



“Go for it doc” says the man. “As long as I can play golf again.”


The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. “Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.


“Just great,” says the businessman. “I’m playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.”



“That’s great,” said the surgeon.


“Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in water colors.”


“Unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”


“Well, just one problem,” said the golfer. “Every time I want to have sex, I also get a headache.”

 

[Trigganometry]

Rick @Trigganometry this ones for you. ?

Kah...Keys

muh-thuhr aw Gawd.

 

[Trigganometry]

So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had. I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that. What type of service? I said he was a BLD. By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, what is a BLD? I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog. She said Butt Licking Dog? I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders. The cashier completely lost it. ??

 

[Dr. Zaius]

Well this one is burning up the net today. I've seen it on multiple websites today.

Not really a joke, well, I guess it is.

It is definitely an episode in Play Stupid Games Win Stupid Prizes

 

[AzScorpion]

Well this one is burning up the net today. I've seen it on multiple websites today.

Not really a joke, well, I guess it is.

It is definitely an episode in Play Stupid Games Win Stupid Prizes

That's definitely a candidate for the Darwin thread!


https://www.ranger5g.com/forum/threads/darwin-award-thread.13247/

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