How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[T Bone]

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[Dr. Zaius]

 

[tentspast]

In the maternity ward, 3 men were anxiously waiting to hear news of their newborns. The nurse comes out and says to the first man "Congratulations, you're a father of triplets!" "Hmm, what a coincidence," says he. "I work at Triple J!" A short while later the nurse comes back out and says to the second man "Congratulations, your wife has just had quadruplets!" The man says "wow, that's weird... I work at the 4 Seasons Motel!" They turn to see the third man bashing his head against the wall in despair. "What's the matter??" asks the nurse. The man groans "I work at 7Eleven!"

 

[Trigganometry]

In the maternity ward, 3 men were anxiously waiting to hear news of their newborns. The nurse comes out and says to the first man "Congratulations, you're a father of triplets!" "Hmm, what a coincidence," says he. "I work at Triple J!" A short while later the nurse comes back out and says to the second man "Congratulations, your wife has just had quadruplets!" The man says "wow, that's weird... I work at the 4 Seasons Motel!" They turn to see the third man bashing his head against the wall in despair. "What's the matter??" asks the nurse. The man groans "I work at 7Eleven!"

Well I work at the 99 restaurant chain so I’m really screwed!

 

[P. A. Schilke]

Subject: The kid really put it in perspective


A father passing by his son's bedroom
Noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that mari*juana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Josh
P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home

 

[Tracy Bowman]

Subject: The kid really put it in perspective


A father passing by his son's bedroom
Noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that mari*juana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Josh
P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home

Wise kid.

 

[RoadtripsOfUnusualSize]

In business, we call that "expectations management".

 

[ROBERTECOX]

Milk Crate Challenge...Who's with me?

 

[FX4Offroad]

Milk Crate Challenge...Who's with me?

Yeah, no.

 

[Colo_Ranger]

Milk Crate Challenge...Who's with me?

 

[outdoorphotog]

 

[Trigganometry]

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday, he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”
I said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?…. do you understand?!!”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull…. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs
“Your badge, show him your BADGE!!”

 

[Tracy Bowman]

Milk Crate Challenge...Who's with me?

I have enough trouble walking on flat ground

 

[Toytec]

A very confident James Bond walks into a posh hotel bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The women notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” Bond explains, ” It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.” The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?” “Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties….” The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!” Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”

 

[GregM]

There's still time for:
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter?
Flight for 4 people. We’re looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Sunday, August 28, from Calgary International Airport, and we’ll fly to Raduim where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch. Then we’ll do a flight along the Columbia Icefield to see the wildlife, then returning to Calgary
It will be absolutely amazing.

If interested please pm me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go........

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