How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[FerdRanger]

Spoiler: should be ok

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[Motorpsychology]

Turd Hammer

Go to an Ace Hardware and ask the Helpful Hardware Folks where you can find one....

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[AzScorpion]

 

[Motorpsychology]

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[Dr. Zaius]

RIP Chuck Norris.

In memoriam:

Chuck Norris once told a woman to calm down and she did

Chuck Norris knows which restaurant your wife wants to go to

Chuck Norris went to a feminist rally and came back with his shirt ironed and a sandwich

When he was born, Chuck Norris drove his mom home from the hospital

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

 

[AzScorpion]

RIP Chuck Norris.

In memoriam:

Chuck Norris once told a woman to calm down and she did

Chuck Norris knows which restaurant your wife wants to go to

Chuck Norris went to a feminist rally and came back with his shirt ironed and a sandwich

When he was born, Chuck Norris drove his mom home from the hospital

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

I just posted this in my other thread about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris passed away. People of our generation remember Chuck Norris as a tough guy. Just how tough was he?

• When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.
• Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room — the bear isn’t dead it is just afraid to move.
• The Virgin Mary once saw an image of Chuck Norris in her grilled cheese sandwich.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
• Chuck Norris is Darth Vader’s father.
• There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
• When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he’s not pushing himself up — he’s pushing the Earth down.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
• Why is the universe expanding? Everything is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
• The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
• Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just “the Islands.”
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
• Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories.
• Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
• Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
• When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Chuck Norris signal.
• Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
• Latin insulted Chuck Norris. It is now a dead language.
• While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
• Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

 

[twk]

Wow, many of the above Chuck jokes are new to me. However one is missing.

What would happen if Chuck fell into the ocean?
The ocean would get Chucked.

My $.02

Thank you Mr. Norris. For everything.

 

[Langwilliams]

Chuck Norris going on vacation:

 

[Motorpsychology]

I just posted this in my other thread about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris passed away. People of our generation remember Chuck Norris as a tough guy. Just how tough was he?

• When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.
• Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room — the bear isn’t dead it is just afraid to move.
• The Virgin Mary once saw an image of Chuck Norris in her grilled cheese sandwich.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
• Chuck Norris is Darth Vader’s father.
• There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
• When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he’s not pushing himself up — he’s pushing the Earth down.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
• Why is the universe expanding? Everything is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
• The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
• Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just “the Islands.”
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
• Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories.
• Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
• Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
• When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Chuck Norris signal.
• Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
• Latin insulted Chuck Norris. It is now a dead language.
• While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
• Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

Chuck Norris does't shave. He pokes his whiskers back down with an ice pick and bites them off from the inside.

 

[AzScorpion]

Only He could do this!

 

[Langwilliams]

Here's the drivers side. Looks like that stud is there. Not the best pic:

 

[dtech]

Three blondes are sitting on the terrace of a “brasserie” having lunchl. One them sees her husband across the street bying a bunch of flowers. She exclaims: “-Oh, Gosh! I’ll have to spread my legs tonight! One of her friends replies: “Why? Don’t you have a vase at home?”

 

[AzScorpion]

Even Chuck Norris has a Chuck Norris Joke

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