How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[Radioman]

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[Doc]

My Dance Instructor ….

 

[Radioman]

Best Smart-Ass Answers

SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
The flight attendant asked passenger John, “Would you like dinner?”
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket. He opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART ASS ANSWER #3
As the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window, the policeman ? ‍got out of his vehicle and approached the kid, "I've been waiting for you all day."

The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police vehicle ? comes up. The cop gets out of his car, walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas."

#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness or a death in your immediate family. But that's it -- no other excuses whatsoever!"

The smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

 

[DukeCanBuildit]

Bring it to my garage, we’ll fix it.

 

[LaBalbe]

You're joking, but this is an actual parking job in Canada with my old Escape...and I'm in Southern Ontario; i.e. almost as far south as you can go in Canada, so the snow drifts just get bigger the farther into Canada that you go.

Edit: Also, this was at the beginning of spring, so the snow had melted down a fair bit.

 

[LaBalbe]

Never underestimate Corporate's ability to cater to the stupidest ideas out of fear of not being considered inclusive.

 

[9zero1790]

Never underestimate Corporate's ability to cater to the stupidest ideas out of fear of not being considered inclusive.

true story!

 

[Dr. Zaius]

Amazing headlines...

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[Figarou]

78 degree’s in north Fla today, time for a swim..

Ignore her. (If you can) Look at background.

 

[Figarou]

 

[FasterGT350]

Rocket man

 

[FasterGT350]

Say what

 

[FasterGT350]

O Frosty

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