How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[Metal Geezer]

Old man is rocking on his front porch when he spies a young lad dragging something down the road.
“Watcha got there son?”
The boy replies, “Chicken wire! Gonna catch me some chickens!”
Old man snaps back, “Fool! Can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”
Later that day the old man sees the boy returning with half a dozen chickens tangled in the wire.
Next morning, the boy passes the old mans house again.
“Watcha got there?”, asks the old man.
“Duct tape”, replies the boy. “Gonna catch me some ducks!”
“Fool!”, snaps the old man. “You can’t catch no ducks with duct tape”.
Sure enough, later that day the boy returns with 3 or 4 ducks stuck to the tape.
Sun rises the next morning and sure enough, here comes the young lad yet again.
Once again the old man enquires “Now watcha got there son?
“Pussy willows”.
Old man jumps out of his chair. “Hold up a minute while I grab my hat.”

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[Trigganometry]

Fork in the road again! Choose wisely ?

 

[Sharky]

Texas 911

https://video.maga.host/videos/watch/b644942e-ef0e-4347-a546-e1d3674ee25a

 

[P. A. Schilke]

 

[FX4Offroad]

SIGNS OF WEAR
You may be getting older:

When your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one, I can’t do both!”

When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

When going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

When you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

When getting a little action” means you don’t need to take any fiber today.

When “Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.

When an “all-nighter” means not getting up to pee.

DAMN !!

I relate to ALL of them!!

 

[ParkerAzJeff]

 

[Metal Geezer]

Just what exactly is tat?.....and how do I trade it for the other one?

 

[Sharky]

Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.

Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want the money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that.
We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."

There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.

 

[Metal Geezer]

Albert Einstein engages a man in conversation at a bar.
“What’s your IQ?” asks Albert.
“143”, replies the man.
Impressed, Albert buys the man a drink and they discuss theoretical physics until the man leaves.
Albert then spies a young woman and enquires about her IQ.
“110” is the reply.
Still impressed, Albert again buys the round and they discuss global economics until the woman too leaves.
Albert decides to order one more drink and turns to the man beside him.
“What’s your IQ?”, to which the man replies “70”.
Albert pauses for a moment...
“Get your deer yet?”

 

[Chris M]

Funny enough, I get that!

 

[GregM]

Hope you don't get offended but if you do well BooWhoo

 

[AzScorpion]

Hope you don't get offended but if you do well BooWhoo

The PC crowd is in full force.

 

[Chris M]

The PC crowd is in full force.

Dammit!
This one made me spit my Coke through my nose! As I scrolled down I did NOT see that coming...

 

[Trigganometry]

A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When are you going to pay for these beers?”

The man answers, “Now the problems start!”

 

[bearrug]

Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.” “Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing’ comes out!” “Actually,” said the 80-year -old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.” “Do you have trouble peeing, too?” asked the 60-year old. “No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.” “So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?” “No, I have one every morning at 6:30.” Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, “You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so bad about being 80?” * * * * * * * * * * * “I don’t wake up until 7:00.”

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