How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[Trigganometry]

Coming from a shop environment we use to have some good ones waiting for the new hires (victims). Some of my favorites were to fetch me the left handed Allen wrenches or the spray can of belt slack. That would be stored in the paint locker somewhere if who ever used it last put it away.

OMG the laughs we use to get and then the faces made when the ruse was up. One kid just wouldn’t give up looking. 3 days later we had to sit him down and tell him the truth. He promptly quit!

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[gfitzge2]

During a machine breakdown in the Ford KTP body shop one of our tool makers asked his young supervisor to get him a left handed drill bit. Ford often hired engineers just out of school and made them maintenance supervisors. Kinda like trial by fire. This one was sure the tool maker was pulling his leg so he refused, not wanting to be the butt of the joke. Turns out he was wanting it to drill out a sheared off bolt and of course there really is such a thing as a left hand drill bit. Of course we never let him forget that.

If he had been asked to get a lower shunt valve then he would have been the target of a joke. We always tested out new supervisors on that one.

 

[Sharky]

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

 

[JACER]

Lets not forget about asking the gopher to go to procurement and ask for the sparkplugs and wires to tune up the diesel.

Or please get me the metric adjustable wrench! ?

 

[P. A. Schilke]

Lets not forget about asking the gopher to go to procurement and ask for the sparkplugs and wires to tune up the diesel.

Or please get me the metric adjustable wrench! ?

Hi John,

I have a metric adjustable wrench...its max opening is in mm...thus Metric

 

[ParkerAzJeff]

Y'all might think I'm crazy but I had a customer that used to have right & left handed pens made. He would have the logo printed so that they both could be read with the logo in correct direction based on which hand it was in.

 

[bearrug]

After retiring I went to the Social Security office to apply for benefits.

the woman behind the counter asked for my drivers license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said unbutton your shirt.
So I opened my shirt and revealed my curly silver hair.
She said that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.

 

[Sharky]

Why is the mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter?” asked the airline passenger, amid the holiday rush.

The clerk replied, “It’s so you can kiss your luggage good-bye.”

 

[Trigganometry]

Came across a Chevy owner today. They’re easy to spot these days...

 

[FordSpeed]

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?




He heard someone say “get along little doggie.”

 

[BoilerMike]

A woman was sitting with a glass of wine relaxing with her husband. “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could live without you.”

” Is that you or the wine talking?”, the husband asked.

”It was me talking to the wine”, she said.

 

[AzScorpion]

?

True Golf Buddy


A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced,
for dinner at 6:30 PM after enjoying a day of golf.

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at
the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.

"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a
f____ mess and the dishes are still in the sink.
I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep last night.

Can't you see I'm still in my f____ pajamas? I can't be
bothered with cooking tonight!

Why the f___ did you bring him home without
letting me know ahead of time, you stupid asshole?"




"Because he's thinking of getting married!"

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[FoD]

Here ya go...

 

[AzScorpion]

Here ya go...

Wow Terry, Looks like the lockdown was pretty rough on you. ?

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