How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[FasterGT350]

Daily driver

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[FasterGT350]

No Work

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[T Bone]

Philosophers of the Century...


.~ Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

~ Prince Philip...
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

~ Harrison Ford...
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

~ Spike Milligan...
The best cure for Sea Sickness is to sit under a tree.

~ Jean Rostand...
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

~ Arnold Schwarzenegger...
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.

~ WH Auden.
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.

~ Johnny Carson...
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

~ Steve Martin...
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

~ Jimmy Durante...
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

~ Betsy Salkind...
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

~ George Roberts...
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

~ Robert Benchley...
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

~ John Glenn...
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

~ David Letterman...
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

~ Howard Hughes...
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Actually, I'm a billionaire.

~ Old Italian proverb...
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.

 

[FasterGT350]

Twins?

 

[Dr. Zaius]

And how many cats? (this one's pretty easy)

 

[KNI]

And how many cats? (this one's pretty easy)

16. The one in the middle black cats is pregnant.

 

[T Bone]

 

[Colo_Ranger]

16. The one in the middle black cats is pregnant.

Spoiler: How many cats spoiler

 

[FasterGT350]

How it happened

 

[FasterGT350]

Poor excuse

 

[FasterGT350]

What they really mean

 

[KNI]

Um.. nope.

"It is endemic to the Canary Islands, Azores and Madeira in the region known as Macaronesia in the eastern Atlantic Ocean. In the Canary Islands, it is common on Tenerife, La Gomera, La Palma and El Hierro, but more local on Gran Canaria, and rare on Lanzarote and Fuerteventura, where it has only recently begun breeding.[10][13] It is common in Madeira including Porto Santo and the Desertas Islands, and has been recorded on the Salvage Islands. In the Azores, it is common on all islands.[10] The population has been estimated at 80,000-90,000 pairs in the Canary Islands, 30,000-60,000 pairs in the Azores and 4,000-5,000 pairs in Madeira."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlantic_canary

 

[AdamHarris]

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