How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[Doc]

They finally found her! The younger crowd won't get this. lol

“Bang Zoom Alice”!

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[dtech]

A husband and wife are at dinner celebrating their 30th anniversary.

The wife tells the husband, you've been an amazing husband all these year so tonight when we get home, anything you want is yours just ask.

Later that night they get home they get undressed and sit on the bed. The husband says. “There's one thing I've always wanted to know. As you know I've always respected your privacy so I've never looked, but you've always had tgis shoe box under the bed and I'd like to know what's in it.

The wife pulls out the shoe box give it to the husband and says go ahead open it. The husband opens it and inside he finds 3 golf balls and $50,000.00 in cash.

A bit confused the husband ask what are these golf balls for? The wife explains, well everytime we had bad sex i put a golf ball in the shoe box.

The husband then thinks to himself, hmmm 3 times in 30 years, wow that's really good. The husband feeling good about himself then ask, so what is the $50,000.00 in cash?

The wife replies, we'll when the shoe box would get full of golf balls if sell the golf balls.

 

[samsd]

“Bang Zoom Alice”!

For those that don't know

 

[Fordup]

 

[5thranger]

Been there done that.

 

[Fordup]

Been there done that.

First time I did that I was about 15. A friend and I got his older brother to go to the local liquor store and buy us a case of the cheapest wine they sold. Well Thunderbird at 59 cents a bottle was what he got us. 6 quarts each and we passed out at the local park. We both had told our parents that we were sleeping over at the others house. Next time we spent 20 cents a bottle more and got a boones farm mixed case of wine. That Thunderbird gives you a headache for 4 days and causes temporary blindness ?.

 

[5thranger]

First time I did that I was about 15. A friend and I got his older brother to go to the local liquor store and buy us a case of the cheapest wine they sold. Well Thunderbird at 59 cents a bottle was what he got us. 6 quarts each and we passed out at the local park. We both had told our parents that we were sleeping over at the others house. Next time we spent 20 cents a bottle more and got a boones farm mixed case of wine. That Thunderbird gives you a headache for 4 days and causes temporary blindness ?.

Good old Boones Farm many memories associated with that. The guy that ran our local liquor store had the last name of Gardner. When we went for Boones Farm, we would say let's get some Doc Gardner cough syrup.

 

[AzScorpion]

lol we lived on this stuff back in the 80's. There was small store out in the hill town near us and as long as you could see over the counter they'd let you buy alcohol there. Being broke all we could afford was Boone's Farm or MD 20/20 and the MD was like drinking gasoline.?

You might be entitled to compensation.

 

[Fawnbuster]

Good old Boones Farm many memories associated with that. The guy that ran our local liquor store had the last name of Gardner. When we went for Boones Farm, we would say let's get some Doc Gardner cough syrup.

I remember a couple of my older sisters getting in trouble with Mom after drinking the Boones farm strawberry wine.

 

[5thranger]

lol we lived on this stuff back in the 80's. There was small store out in the hill town near us and as long as you could see over the counter they'd let you buy alcohol there. Being broke all we could afford was Boone's Farm or MD 20/20 and the MD was like drinking gasoline.?

You might be entitled to compensation.

Forgot about MD 20/20. There should be lawsuits about all the paternity cases that were caused by that wicked potion.

 

[Dr. Zaius]

Mad Dog 20|20.

One of my friends called it Lucifer's Piss

 

[Fordup]

lol we lived on this stuff back in the 80's. There was small store out in the hill town near us and as long as you could see over the counter they'd let you buy alcohol there. Being broke all we could afford was Boone's Farm or MD 20/20 and the MD was like drinking gasoline.?

You might be entitled to compensation.

Does that leave us that drank it in the late 1960s out ?. It wasn't even called wine back then. Fermented fruit juice.

 

[dtech]

an elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

 

[AzScorpion]

Forgot about MD 20/20. There should be lawsuits about all the paternity cases that were caused by that wicked potion.

Mad Dog 20|20.

One of my friends called it Lucifer's Piss

I only drank MD 20/20 once which was enough for me. I remember my guts out all night long and can still to this day remember that awful smell and taste of that stuff. ?

 

[Fordup]

I only drank MD 20/20 once which was enough for me. I remember my guts out all night long and can still to this day remember that awful smell and taste of that stuff. ?

I did 18 shots of tequila for a friend's 18th birthday and have never been so sick as that night. I can't even take the smell of tequila this day. The mind has amazing ways to protect you from things that almost killed you it doesn't want to experience again.

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