How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[FasterGT350]

Karen

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[FasterGT350]

Go figure

 

[Dr. Zaius]

To tell the truth

Go figure

2981

 

[FasterGT350]

Really

 

[FasterGT350]

Tough day

 

[FasterGT350]

Dinners done

 

[FasterGT350]

Rulings

 

[Doc]

To tell the truth

Yeah…..give me 3 Fingers of that Motormouth Vodka in a Dirty Glass !

 

[Doc]

2981

Yeah, and when you get pulled over, Don’t call the cop A Punk……and how do I know that ?

 

[Radioman]

I was hoping to visit a friend of mine and his wife that live near Phoenix. He sent me the following guide.

HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS'. There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced course.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'. Mercedes, BMWs, and Audi's don't have a speed limit.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelina's, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY, San Tan FWY, South Mountain FWY and Downtown FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated.

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders or grill-mitts on your hands.

 

[Radioman]

 

[Radioman]

 

[LaBalbe]

Rulings

No wars?? Realistically, we'd end up with a bunch of "cease-fires", with neither side conceding that they lost, and therefore no peace treaties. Instead, periodically, a new skirmish would break out until once again a cease-fire, no acknowledgement of fault, and no real peace. Rinse and repeat ad nauseum. Even God wouldn't be able to keep track of what countries are allies and which ones are at war with each other.

 

[KNI]

2981

Can confirm. 2.9813 rounds to 2.981 and you can omit the dot as pin.

Somewhat challenging though since it's been decades from when did that earlier

 

[Motorpsychology]

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY, San Tan FWY, South Mountain FWY and Downtown FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.
hands.

The city planners that originally laid out St Paul, MN, affectionally called Pig’s Eye originally, moved to Phoenix and started their mischief there.
Alphabetical streets are not alphabetical, In fact cruelly lead you to believe they are, until too late you realize they aren’t: Wacouta St, then Wall St, then… Victoria St? No! Broadway St! Victoria St comes after N Milton St, of course. Also, a little known fact is St Paul is in a magnetic anomaly zone that caused early 19th century compasses to act up. So:
West St Paul is south of the West Side; South St Paul is east of West St Paul; the East Side is north of South St Paul, or south of North St Paul, with two suburbs in between (or three, if you include the portion of North St Paul that is in Washington County).
You get used to it.

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