How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[Dr. Zaius]

Epic automated response fail...

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[bearrug]

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?" God replied, "I didn't recognize you!"​

 

[AzScorpion]

Oh, this is so true! ?

 

[outdoorphotog]

 

[Trigganometry]

Think I found the problem here!

 

[wanted33]

My phone number must be really close to our local meteorological office. While taking a mental health day off from work yesterday the phone rang. Before I could even say hello a guy ask "is the coast clear".

 

[Trigganometry]

I know what I got here! ?

 

[AzScorpion]

I have no words for this.

 

[AzScorpion]

I was wrong...This is a close second. Looks like a redneck trying to go "green" with his lawnmower. lol

 

[Chris M]

Not a redneck.
Clearly someone from Massachusetts.
A redneck's jeans wouldn't be that nice.

 

[Sardog]

Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a Pigeon, no matter how well you think you are doing the pigeon is still going to knock down all the pieces, shit on the board, and strut around like he won.

 

[Tracy Bowman]

I have no words for this.

That Alabamian sure does talk funny.

 

[P. A. Schilke]

I have no words for this.

Hi Dave,

Looks like Europe... Lawn mower powered by a generator is clearly USA.

best,
Phil Schilke
Ranger Vehicle Engineering
Ford Motor Co. Retired

 

[AzScorpion]

Hi Dave,

Looks like Europe... Lawn mower powered by a generator is clearly USA.

best,
Phil Schilke
Ranger Vehicle Engineering
Ford Motor Co. Retired

Hi Phil,

I'm thinking some 3rd world country as I don't think even I Europe you'd get away with this. lol

 

[P. A. Schilke]

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