How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[Langwilliams]

My wife was mad at me because I'm lazy.
I didn't even do anything!

I joined a procrastinators anonymous group:
We haven't met yet.

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[Figarou]

I joined a procrastinators anonymous group:
We haven't met yet.

My wife says I only have 2 faults.
I don’t listen - and something else...

 

[Langwilliams]

My wife says I only have 2 faults.
I don’t listen - and something else...

The truest joke ever:

 

[Figarou]

What is the difference between a golfer and a parachuter having a bad day?

A golfer goes wack “Awe shit!”
A parachuter goes “Awe shit!” wack.



I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with but they had me tripping all day. ?

 

[lawrench]

We threw ours on the intake manifold on the humvees.....told the wife we had 3 hot meals every day!

Our unit was issued T-Rats or Tray Rations on a Field Exercise once. The mess hall folks put them in stacks on the dock, so the person who picked them up grabbed a stack and put it in the CUCV and brought it to our unit. What the mess hall folks did not tell anyone is to take one from each stack. I have never been so tired of Lasagna in my life. Still to this day, I do not like lasagna.

 

[Figarou]

In the military we used to put the MREs (Meals Refused by Ethiopia) between the heat shield and exhaust pipe on the deuce and a halfs.

Warmed them up nicely.

I drove an M917 dump truck while I was in. I placed my MRE main meal packet close to the floorboard air vent and turned the heat all the way up during the winter exercises.

Our unit was issued T-Rats or Tray Rations on a Field Exercise once. The mess hall folks put them in stacks on the dock, so the person who picked them up grabbed a stack and put it in the CUCV and brought it to our unit. What the mess hall folks did not tell anyone is to take one from each stack. I have never been so tired of Lasagna in my life. Still to this day, I do not like lasagna.

I remember those. (T-rations) All the cooks have to do is heat then serve.

Speaking of CUCVs, let me tell you something funny that happened.

I was in an engineer company in Germany. I drove a dump truck while other used bucket loaders and scrapers, etc.

Since our meals was mostly MREs and T-Rats during REFORGER, some of the other soldiers had "side effects."

We just had breakfast and we was getting ready to head out to the site. We climbed in to the back of the CUCV. It was set up like a mini Deuce and a half.

One of the soldiers let out a silencer in the back of the CUCV. Wow! It stank! The Sergeant was gasping for breath. I was almost the same way. But this other soldier reacted differently. He covered his mouth, quickly jumped out of the CUCV, while stepping on someone's hand as he was trying to get in. Then started vomiting. When he was done, he shook the soldiers hand and said, "You got me on that one. I've never became sick off a fart before."

We all laughed.

 

[AdamHarris]

 

[BS67]

Our unit was issued T-Rats or Tray Rations on a Field Exercise once. The mess hall folks put them in stacks on the dock, so the person who picked them up grabbed a stack and put it in the CUCV and brought it to our unit. What the mess hall folks did not tell anyone is to take one from each stack. I have never been so tired of Lasagna in my life. Still to this day, I do not like lasagna.

I always got stuck with the hamburger patty....hated it until I figured out how to cook it.....was pretty good after that!

 

[Dr. Zaius]

I always got stuck with the hamburger patty....hated it until I figured out how to cook it.....was pretty good after that!

The Pork Patty was the bottom dweller in ours.

If you got that, absolutely nobody was gonna trade with you.

A white plastic disc that turned into a greasy white something or other.

 

[Figarou]

The Pork Patty was the bottom dweller in ours.

If you got that, absolutely nobody was gonna trade with you.

A white plastic disc that turned into a greasy white something or other.

This guy will eat it. Check out his videos.

https://youtube.com/channel/UC2I6Et1JkidnnbWgJFiMeHA

 

[Bob902]

The Pork Patty was the bottom dweller in ours.

If you got that, absolutely nobody was gonna trade with you.

A white plastic disc that turned into a greasy white something or other.

Agreed. Pork patty was nasty

 

[Metal Geezer]

Always suspected that about vegetables in general….

 

[Dr. Zaius]

Agreed. Pork patty was nasty

The Pork Patty and the Ham and Chicken loaf shared a room in the basement of MRE Hell.

The barbequed beef (meatballs and slices) and the Chicken A-La King were surprisingly good.

MREs are proof that if you put enough barbeque or hot sauce on anything it can become edible.

Except for the pork patty and the ham and chicken loaf.

I don't think those would work for catfish bait.

 

[9zero1790]

We threw ours on the intake manifold on the humvees.....told the wife we had 3 hot meals every day!

same! few wraps of foil and a ride on the intake and lunch was warm.

 

[9zero1790]

to follow the dad joke theme :

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