How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[dtech]

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice,

"Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

The entire congregation said, "Amen."

Gotta love those senior citizens!

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[dtech]

Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre kiss me!" Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's Lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.

When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Pierre tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac, and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"

Pierre stands up, defiantly, and says,

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

 

[Dr. Zaius]

Oooops!

 

[AzScorpion]

 

[Jason B]

Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre kiss me!" Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's Lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.

When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Pierre tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac, and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"

Pierre stands up, defiantly, and says,

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

For some reason, I thought the joke would end up saying something about which wine goes with fish.

 

[Chris M]

For some reason, I thought the joke would end up saying something about which wine goes with fish.

Well, with all due respect to white wine, I actually belly laughed out loud at the original version

 

[AzScorpion]

For some reason, I thought the joke would end up saying something about which wine goes with fish.

I hate to admit it but so did I.

 

[TJC]

Oooops!

I think the first hit knocked the guy out cold! He hit that steering wheel & column with some serious force! He fell out of the buggy after crawling up the car in reverse.

 

[Figarou]

Oooops!

Ok.....what does this remind me of? Oh yeah!! This......

(It starts at 1:31 if you want to skip ahead.)

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[AzScorpion]

Guilty!

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[AzScorpion]

lol I just saw this one that's similar.

 

[Langwilliams]

Guilty!

Before I finally gave in an got glasses I was doing this with menus too!

 

[Dr. Zaius]

Before I finally gave in an got glasses I was doing this with menus too!

Now I use the phone for a flashlight to see the menu in a dark restaurant...

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