How about some Jokes [Admin: No Politics, Religion, Nudity, Explicit Posts]

[BS67]

Told the Doctor last time I saw him.....asked him for a prescription for 1/2 strength Viagra. He responded with that isn't going to do what you want. I told him I wanted it because I was tired of peeing on my shoes!

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[Figarou]

?Why didn't I think of this a long time ago? ?

 

[Figarou]

 

[Figarou]

 

[AdamHarris]

 

[FasterGT350]

How it started

 

[Dr. Zaius]

 

[Doc]

 

[Jbrubakerjr]

I once built a grilling grate the size of a hand-mixing concrete tub. As long as you clean to prior to the steaks going on it, may not be much of a problem here.

And on another note, my father-in-law and his friends would wrap their meal in aluminum foil and tie it to the exhaust prior to a long trip. Warm pot roast on teh side of the road for lunch...

 

[lawrench]

I once built a grilling grate the size of a hand-mixing concrete tub. As long as you clean to prior to the steaks going on it, may not be much of a problem here.

And on another note, my father-in-law and his friends would wrap their meal in aluminum foil and tie it to the exhaust prior to a long trip. Warm pot roast on teh side of the road for lunch...

We used to do that when I was a kid... Works really well for vegetables. Do that on an EV...

 

[Figarou]

Got pulled over today and the cop asked if I know why he pulled me over.
I replied: "Is it because you want to see how tall I am?"
He said: "Step out of the car sir"
See, I knew it! ?


My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.
Well, toucan play at that game.


Me: "Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!"
Doctor: "Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease."


When I asked my doctor if I could administer my own anesthetic, he said... “Go ahead! Knock yourself out!”


Some idiot glued every card in my deck together so now it’s just a block of cardboard. I'm having trouble dealing with it.


I've just invented the first thought controlled air freshener.
It makes scents…when you think about it.


If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?
U r a bus.


The doctor said I got the peek-a-boo virus.
They sent me straight to ICU.


My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange for movie night, but I said no.
I had Stranger Things to watch.


What pronouns does chocolate use?
Her/she.


My wife was mad at me because I'm lazy.
I didn't even do anything!

The CEO of IKEA has just been appointed as the Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.

 

[Dr. Zaius]

...

And on another note, my father-in-law and his friends would wrap their meal in aluminum foil and tie it to the exhaust prior to a long trip. Warm pot roast on teh side of the road for lunch...

In the military we used to put the MREs (Meals Refused by Ethiopia) between the heat shield and exhaust pipe on the deuce and a halfs.

Warmed them up nicely.

 

[Tracy Bowman]

Got pulled over today and the cop asked if I know why he pulled me over.
I replied: "Is it because you want to see how tall I am?"
He said: "Step out of the car sir"
See, I knew it! ?


My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.
Well, toucan play at that game.


Me: "Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!"
Doctor: "Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease."


When I asked my doctor if I could administer my own anesthetic, he said... “Go ahead! Knock yourself out!”


Some idiot glued every card in my deck together so now it’s just a block of cardboard. I'm having trouble dealing with it.


I've just invented the first thought controlled air freshener.
It makes scents…when you think about it.


If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?
U r a bus.


The doctor said I got the peek-a-boo virus.
They sent me straight to ICU.


My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange for movie night, but I said no.
I had Stranger Things to watch.


What pronouns does chocolate use?
Her/she.


My wife was mad at me because I'm lazy.
I didn't even do anything!

The CEO of IKEA has just been appointed as the Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.

You been drinking too much coffee Figarou?
Good ones though!

 

[BS67]

In the military we used to put the MREs (Meals Refused by Ethiopia) between the heat shield and exhaust pipe on the deuce and a halfs.

Warmed them up nicely.

We threw ours on the intake manifold on the humvees.....told the wife we had 3 hot meals every day!

 

[Figarou]

You been drinking too much coffee Figarou?
Good ones though!

One more!!

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, "I want to impress beautiful girls." "Which machine should I use?"

He said, "Try the ATM outside."

?

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