Rinn69
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How about some Jokes [Admin: No Covid or Politics!]
- Thread starter AzScorpion
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OP
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AzScorpion
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Saw this on my YouTube home page. I forgot how funny Jeff Dunham is.
"The last time I had this much plastic on my chest it exploded" ?
"The last time I had this much plastic on my chest it exploded" ?
Last edited:
Trigganometry
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Might have to check this out… ?
FX4Offroad
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EXCELLENT Photoshop work!! lolMight have to check this out… ?
Is this in Intercourse PA?
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Another Carlin Classic
gfitzge2
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I can verify this. 
Also your glasses will slide down your nose in direct proportion to how full your hands are and your nose will itch in proportion to how greasy your hands are.
Just a few of murphy's laws.
Also your glasses will slide down your nose in direct proportion to how full your hands are and your nose will itch in proportion to how greasy your hands are.
Just a few of murphy's laws.
P. A. Schilke
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Hi Gregg,I can verify this.
Also your glasses will slide down your nose in direct proportion to how full your hands are and your nose will itch in proportion to how greasy your hands are.
From my mechanic background. I always wanted a job where I did not have to wash my hands BEFORE and AFTER, I took a leak...
best,
Phil Schilke
Ranger Vehicle Engineering
Ford Motor Co. Retired
RedlandRanger
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This made me laugh really hard - mostly because it never fails - I've had this EXACT same thing happen to me on more than one occasion.I can verify this.
Also your glasses will slide down your nose in direct proportion to how full your hands are and your nose will itch in proportion to how greasy your hands are.
Trigganometry
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Never fails
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AzScorpion
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I wasn't sure whether to post this here or in the thread for those looking for a gas plug for their Rangers. ?
P. A. Schilke
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PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected.
Some examples
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.
8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency' - notify: I put 'DOCTOR.'
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.
11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
13 I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.
15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
17. Finally: I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
18. I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong.
Some examples
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.
8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency' - notify: I put 'DOCTOR.'
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.
11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
13 I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.
15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
17. Finally: I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
18. I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong.
JimH
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That happen
That happened to me once when my girlfriend was with me while I was working on my car. Solution? SHE took care of opening the zipper, bringing it our so I could pee, and putting it back!! (Only problem was it was a bit more difficult to put it away -- <grin> )
KNI
Well-Known Member
Hint: Place a pair of one size too big nitrile gloves in the toilet (or outside next to the doorknob). Keeps the grease in the gloves and you can utilize the clean surface for other purposes.
OP
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AzScorpion
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I bet...It's the same as trying to pick up a wet piece of spaghetti when it falls on the floor.
?
