How about some Jokes [Admin: No Covid or Politics!]
- Thread starter AzScorpion
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FX4Offroad
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Appropriate for the time
FX4Offroad
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.
OP
OP
AzScorpion
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FX4Offroad
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BButah
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Hope these bring a smile ?
• All of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. Half will come out with a drinking problem.
• I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
• Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
• Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well.
• Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
• I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came back to my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
• My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
• I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
• Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
• Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said, "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year"... I'm offended.
• All of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. Half will come out with a drinking problem.
• I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
• Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
• Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well.
• Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
• I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came back to my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
• My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
• I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
• Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
• Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said, "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year"... I'm offended.
Ranger_Rocks
Well-Known Member
My self isolation quarantine diary:
Day 1: I can do this!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2: Opening my 8th bottle of wine. I fear wine supplies might not last.
Day 3: Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who knew??
Day 4: 8:00 pm. Removed my day pajamas and put on my night pajamas.
Day 5: Today I tried to make hand sanitizer. It came out as jello shots!!
Day 6: I get to take the garbage out. I'm so excited, I can't decide what to wear.
Day 7: Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!
Day 8: Went to a new restaurant called "The Kitchen" You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have NO clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9: I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight I'm getting all dressed up and going bar hopping.
Day 10: Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems nice. He's a web designer.
Day 11: Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, "What the hell do you want now?"
Day 12: I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13: If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can't accidentally touch your face.
Day 14: Watched the birds fight over a worm. The cardinals led the blue jays 3-1
Day 15: Anybody else feel like they've cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
Day 1: I can do this!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2: Opening my 8th bottle of wine. I fear wine supplies might not last.
Day 3: Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who knew??
Day 4: 8:00 pm. Removed my day pajamas and put on my night pajamas.
Day 5: Today I tried to make hand sanitizer. It came out as jello shots!!
Day 6: I get to take the garbage out. I'm so excited, I can't decide what to wear.
Day 7: Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!
Day 8: Went to a new restaurant called "The Kitchen" You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have NO clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9: I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight I'm getting all dressed up and going bar hopping.
Day 10: Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems nice. He's a web designer.
Day 11: Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, "What the hell do you want now?"
Day 12: I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13: If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can't accidentally touch your face.
Day 14: Watched the birds fight over a worm. The cardinals led the blue jays 3-1
Day 15: Anybody else feel like they've cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
BButah
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Ranger_Rocks
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Ranger_Rocks
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Ranger_Rocks
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outdoorphotog
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I can tell by that news banner that that news is here. Maybe they setting up for a sideshow.
