How about some Jokes [Admin: No Covid or Politics!]

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AzScorpion

AzScorpion

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And bonus...she' supplies the donkey power :)
Well she's got a head start by looking like one...Take your pick which end. :surprised:
 
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BButah

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For the Engineers in the 5G Crew.... :bandit:

Understanding Engineers – One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding Engineers – Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers – Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers – Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons

Civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers – Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers – Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers – Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers – Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
 

DHMag

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As told to me by my dad whom is an electrician, "Plumbers are stupid, they have to go to school to learn how to lay pipe."
 

DHMag

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A bear walks into a bar, approaches the bartender and asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "we don't serve bears."

Frustrated, the bear again states he would like a drink. Again, the bartender quips, "we don't serve bears."

Now angry, the bear looks around the bar and sees a pretty woman sitting at the bar. He tell the bartender, " if you don't serve me a beer, I will eat that pretty lady !"

The bartender stands his ground and refuses to serve the bear. The bear promptly walks over to the woman and gobbles her up in one swoop. The bear walks back to the bartender and demands his drink.

The bartender says, "we don't serve bears that are drug users. The bear is baffled. The bartender says, "that was a bar bitch you ate." (Barbiturate)
 

P. A. Schilke

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911 Operator:
911...what is your emergency?

Caller:
Uh...my wife...she fell off the porch and broke her leg...the bone is sticking out...I need an ambulance

911 operator:
What is your street address?

Caller:
1825 Eucalyptus Street

911 Operator:
How do you spell that street?

Caller:
Um...I,m a goina drag her over to Oak Street...you can pick here up there!

Best.
Phil Schilke
Ranger Vehicle Engineering
Ford Motor Co. Retired
 

Msfitoy

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911 Operator:
911...what is your emergency?

Caller:
Uh...my wife...she fell off the porch and broke her leg...the bone is sticking out...I need an ambulance

911 operator:
What is your street address?

Caller:
1825 Eucalyptus Street

911 Operator:
How do you spell that street?

Caller:
Um...I,m a goina drag her over to Oak Street...you can pick here up there!

Best.
Phil Schilke
Ranger Vehicle Engineering
Ford Motor Co. Retired
:LOL::LOL::LOL:
 

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I feel so young in this forum. Class of 04.
Don't feel too bad. I feel kinda young in some threads and I'm class of '90. :wink:
 

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Don't feel too bad. I feel kinda young in some threads and I'm class of '90. :wink:
I actually like it. Can't have a good future if you don't learn from the past. They all remind me of Farmers Insurance. "They know a thing or two because they've seen a thing or two." :LOL:
 
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AzScorpion

AzScorpion

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I actually like it. Can't have a good future if you don't learn from the past. They all remind me of Farmers Insurance. "They know a thing or two because they've seen a thing or two." :LOL:
That's for sure. I wish I could tell half of the stories on here but I know I'd get banned. lol :lipssealed:
 
 
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