FasterGT350
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See what
How about some Jokes [Admin: No Covid or Politics!]
- Thread starter AzScorpion
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FasterGT350
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- Chris
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Hear that?
FasterGT350
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FasterGT350
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- Chris
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That's how
Marpater
Well-Known Member
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act.
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows, saying things like, “It’s under his hat, it’s up his sleeve, his assistant has it.”
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end.
The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, “Alright, I give up. Where’s the boat?”
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows, saying things like, “It’s under his hat, it’s up his sleeve, his assistant has it.”
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end.
The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, “Alright, I give up. Where’s the boat?”
Marpater
Well-Known Member
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, “Jesus knows you’re here.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yes”, the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the parrot.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“The same kind of people who would name a Pit Bull Jesus.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yes”, the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the parrot.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“The same kind of people who would name a Pit Bull Jesus.”
Marpater
Well-Known Member
A lady walks into a pet store where she sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO.
The lady asks the pet shop owner, “Why so cheap?”
The owner says, “This bird used to live in a house of ill-repute, so he says a lot of inappropriate things.”
The lady can’t pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is, “Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn’t bad looking.”
The lady finds it amusing. Soon after, her two teen daughters get home and the bird says, “New girls in the house, business will be booming tonight.”
The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later, the woman’s husband gets home and the bird says, “Hey Jim, haven't seen you for a couple of weeks!”
The lady asks the pet shop owner, “Why so cheap?”
The owner says, “This bird used to live in a house of ill-repute, so he says a lot of inappropriate things.”
The lady can’t pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is, “Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn’t bad looking.”
The lady finds it amusing. Soon after, her two teen daughters get home and the bird says, “New girls in the house, business will be booming tonight.”
The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later, the woman’s husband gets home and the bird says, “Hey Jim, haven't seen you for a couple of weeks!”
Langwilliams
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- Langley
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I saw one:
Bill says: My wife ran away with my best friend Dave yesterday.
John asks: since when is Dave your best friend?
Bill says: Since yesterday!
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OP
OP
AzScorpion
Moderator
- Thread starter
- #2,815
Now I know why Bill is happy. Tell Bill I'm sending her back overnight express! ?
Langwilliams
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- Langley
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- Mail Carrier (retired) Navy Vet
I had to correct my post I left out a word.
A guy in his ranger is flying down the road 15 mph over the speed limit. A patrol car pulls up behind him an turns the lights an sires on. They panics an hits the gas. He looks in the mirror an the cop is still on his ass. He comes to his senses an pulls over.
Officer approaches the window an after seeing the guy has a clean record an says "I should take you @$$ in an impound your truck! I've had a long hard shift an I'm about to get off and go on vacation. If you can give me an excuse I've never heard or make me laugh I'll let you go with a warning.
The ranger drivers says last week my wife ran off with a state trooper an I was afraid you were bringing her back.
The officer starts laughing an says: sir slow it down an had a nice day.
McLeadslinger
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- Trevor
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Too soon? Lol.
FasterGT350
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- Chris
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- Quality Control
Lunch time
